im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
