It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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