and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
