She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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