Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
