Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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