After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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