I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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