i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
