I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
