I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
