They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
