Reggie can tackle my bush.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
