Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
