giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
