I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
