haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
