I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there was a trapeze. enough said
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ttyl tear gas
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
