Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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