That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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