I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
