what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
