yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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