I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
