Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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