Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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