she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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