The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
