shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
