i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
