i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
