Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
