I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
