have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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