the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
