that's an acceptable place to lick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
