Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
