I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
pray to the hookup gods
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
