On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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