I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
