ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
