it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
