So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this boner is exhausting
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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