i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
