dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
