first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
