the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
