bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
