And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
