WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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