I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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