There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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